be sure to log in if you're trying to read my journal, because some shit is private. :P

(no subject)
"you two were my faith in love. you seldom see what you had." --Braun

and now I wanna cry.

(no subject)
I just really can't deal with my fucking life anymore.









This is the theme song of my life right now.
It's a take-out weekend
It's a fake-out smile and pretend
If nobody sees you cry
You can say it was raining outside

And all that you want
Is a few days down
All that you need
A little time to drown
It's to be expected
With all the weight you carry 'round
All that you want is
A Few Days Down

It's a short vacation
To a foreign nation
Oh, nothing familiar here
Just you and your lonesome heart complaining


I'm looking out
Ten stories high
And like a blanket lifted
The quiet night
The city finally waking up
To the morning light


(no subject)
standing in the middle of a quiet empty street
all the buildings start to crumble down
their rubble at my feet
can't seem to see through all the dust
nowhere to turn
no one to trust
try to find a place to hide
but you can't hide
from what's inside
most of the screaming is in my head
tasted in the tears i shed
give me time and i will fall
down to the ground
just like those walls
for i am broken and near collapse
how slowly then the time will pass
into a place that no one sees
only darkness
only me

(no subject)

sdiflhskfmsla;nzskjgnadflg;kzdkgjnadg. maybe a real entry later. But that kind of sums it all up. Yep.

I haven't written in here in soooo long. I think it's because I go through such long stretches where I don't write that I somehow feel that when I "return" I need to explain everything that's happened since the last time I wrote. Which would be impossible. :P I just got done talking to Greg on AIM and now I have nothing to do. I really should be in bed. :/ But I was going through my livejournal earlier looking for my list of things to do before I die (which I found, but I won't post since it needs seriously revamped. lol) and I got a little sad looking at all the things I had written. I think I've gotten pretty out of touch with myself. I used to take time for myself. Read. Be introspective. I suppose that is the nature of becoming a mom...a wife....losing a bit of yourself, and your free time. I think I really DO have the time, I just need to organize it better. Prioritize a little better maybe. Stop being such a MESS???

And of course hands are hurty, and my legs hurt, and I'm exhausted.

I miss writing. But sometimes I feel like half of the things I have to say aren't suitable for public viewing anyway :P

I think I will make it a goal to post a REAL update soon. I promise :)

(no subject)
Wow I just noticed how old my icon picture on here is. Aurora was still a BABY, and in less than a month she will be 3. I almost have a three year old. How crazy is that.

I am writing this from a hotel room in McClean, VA. My brother and I road tripped it down here for the inaugeration. We left Sunday night after I got out of work and packed and arrived around 5am. We're both so exhausted that it's 1pm and we haven't left the room yet. He's still passed out and I've been reading Nick Hornby's "How To Be Good". I actually got to Chapter 6 which is a freaking miracle because while I used to be speed reader extraordinaire, in the past few years between diapers and school and well, life, I don't get to read quite as much as I used to. Novels anyway.

I was going to post pictures but Matt's computer is a fucktard. It doesn't let you on myspace or facebook, and photobucket and flikr pretty much freeze. Sooooo I will have to photo update on Wednesday. Think we're going to head to CVS really quick and then come back and get ready and head into DC to EXPLORE and try and find some Obama shirts to wear tomorrow :)

<3 ME.

(no subject)
I am terrible with updating this thing.

Random notes from my scraps of paper
Things that would make me happy:

my own house - not living at my dad's
Sammy having a different work schedule
me working less
okay, not having to 'work' at all
more $$ - Haha
A minivan
A place for my books
Time to journal
Time to read
More time with friends
More time with Sammy
losing 10-15 lbs
Getting my milk supply back
Not feeling frumpy
My knees fixed
Time to plan
Going to the gym
All the chores being done
The doot
Obama winning the presidency
A working camera and laptop
My mom :(
Time to cook
Xav gaining weight
Watching pointless TV with Sammy
All the bills being paid
Hands that didn't hurt
New makeup
Rora being potty trained
Indoor swimming
Learning things

I want my kids to...
speak multiple languages, including Spanish, French, ASL and eventually foreign sign "green" and understand to read...want to help others...take gentle...enjoy spending time with others...speak intelligently...enjoy spending time with their family, yet also recognize the need for alone time...not mind getting messy...have a sense of adventure...learn about and appreciate cultures other than their own...pick up after themselves...know the history behind holidays...know how to cook healthy food...stay vegetarians because they want to be and understand the reasons for it...dream, imagine...feel like they can do anything they set their mind to be outside...not be addicted to electronics...know how holidays are celebrated in other exposed to art in all it's forms...know how to fix in tune with their souls...feel like they can talk to me...feel understood...know where they come themselves...have friends, close thoughtful...have a desire to learn new things...resist peer pressure...make good and respect themselves...know that I love and respect responsible with their affectionate...


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