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Sunday, October 11th, 2009
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I don't feel like studying right now. :)
I never know what to say in here anymore because so much is going on I don't know where to start with an update. lol
I MISS HIM. Gosh November 1st feels like forever away right now. :(
  
I really should study my insurance stuff now though. Since I have to leave in like 6 hours for my class. Blech.
<3Me.
P.S. Olivia, you need to write in our journal!! It's lonely. lol
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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Monday, September 7th, 2009
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P.S. I meant the last private entry, so most people probably have no idea what I'm talking about. lol
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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When I was younger, I wish that I would have known better.
Better love makes a fat romance, that lasts for more than a shoe shine.
I’m older, took all the words of my mother, saying,
It could be worse, could be born with that disease, instead of catching it first.
So let’s go back, to the first time, that I met you, in your Chevy, with your hands stretched, and me crying, screaming, “Mercy. Mercy.”
But I know that, I was put here, to fight Vikings, in the cold war, with my arms out, in the front lines, singing, “Dare me. Dare me.”
But these things take time love.
These things take backbone.
And they’ll tell you what you want to hear ’cause they think it’s better. Better.
But you better know how to point out the liars.
You’ve got to weigh your wars make sure you’re not fighting for nothing. Nothing.
Are you fighting for nothing?
It feels like this world has been growing slowly upside down.
Maybe I should move to China, and straighten this mess out.
Maybe I’ll be a poet.
Watch all the sky for falling words.
And write about my grandma’s curtains, or the lady who put the Chinese buffet in her purse.
I’ve got my mouth.
It’s a weapon. It’s a bombshell. It’s a cannon. I’ve got my words.
I won’t give them mercy. Mercy. I’ve got my words. I hope they hurt you.
I hope they scar you. I hope they heal you.
I hope they cut you open, make you see you’ve been warring for all the wrong reasons.
Make you see that some things are worth bruising for.
Make you see that your name is your honor code.
Make you see that your hands you’re accounted for.
Pick and choose where your sweat and your blood will go.
Make you see your life’s not to be lived alone.
Run their spit through your hair, you’re worth nothing. Nothing.
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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"What If"
Stand tall
Head and shoulders down
They don't make them like us anymore
You failed to see that I am not your shadow
I can be more
You said the world is hard to face
I am your umbrella, Megan
But I can keep up with it's pace
If you let me go
I was running to see you down the line
What if I've built up what was mine
What if I didn't forget passion like you did
What if I find my purpose first
What if I fulfill my life's work
What if you counting on my failure made me live
Not scared.
I know you thought I was shaking fast in my own two shoes
But these soles could fight the ocean waves,
Dirty laundry, and world war II
Finally I see past my front hands
Not a coward's pissed-stained pants
Thank you for telling me I can't
Without you, I wouldn't be where I am
What if I see you down the line
What I took back my lost time
What if I didn't forget passion like you did
What if I find my purpose first
What if I fulfill my life's work
What if you counting on my failure made me live
If you see me again,
You won't know my face
But you'll recall my heart
Inside of me, a side of you is placed
When I see you again,
I won't be bitter
You, you're so far to blame
You're part of this change
I (knew?) so much of you
I won't ever be the same
What if I see you down the line
What I took back what was mine
What if I didn't forget passion like you did
What if I find my purpose first
What if I fulfill my life's work
What if you counting on my failure made me live
What if you counting on my failure made me live
What if you counting on my failure made me live
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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Thursday, July 30th, 2009
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"you two were my faith in love. you seldom see what you had." --Braun
and now I wanna cry.
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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It's a take-out weekend
It's a fake-out smile and pretend
If nobody sees you cry
You can say it was raining outside
[CHORUS]
And all that you want
Is a few days down
All that you need
A little time to drown
It's to be expected
With all the weight you carry 'round
All that you want is
A Few Days Down
It's a short vacation
To a foreign nation
Oh, nothing familiar here
Just you and your lonesome heart complaining
[CHORUS]
I'm looking out
Ten stories high
And like a blanket lifted
The quiet night
The city finally waking up
To the morning light
[CHORUS]
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Comments: 2 licks - Stick out your tongue. :P.
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standing in the middle of a quiet empty street
all the buildings start to crumble down
their rubble at my feet
can't seem to see through all the dust
nowhere to turn
no one to trust
try to find a place to hide
but you can't hide
from what's inside
most of the screaming is in my head
tasted in the tears i shed
give me time and i will fall
down to the ground
just like those walls
for i am broken and near collapse
how slowly then the time will pass
into a place that no one sees
only darkness
only me
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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just....
sdiflhskfmsla;nzskjgnadflg;kzdkgjnadg. maybe a real entry later. But that kind of sums it all up. Yep.
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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Saturday, April 4th, 2009
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I haven't written in here in soooo long. I think it's because I go through such long stretches where I don't write that I somehow feel that when I "return" I need to explain everything that's happened since the last time I wrote. Which would be impossible. :P I just got done talking to Greg on AIM and now I have nothing to do. I really should be in bed. :/ But I was going through my livejournal earlier looking for my list of things to do before I die (which I found, but I won't post since it needs seriously revamped. lol) and I got a little sad looking at all the things I had written. I think I've gotten pretty out of touch with myself. I used to take time for myself. Read. Be introspective. I suppose that is the nature of becoming a mom...a wife....losing a bit of yourself, and your free time. I think I really DO have the time, I just need to organize it better. Prioritize a little better maybe. Stop being such a MESS???
And of course now...at 4:22am...my hands are hurty, and my legs hurt, and I'm exhausted.
I miss writing. But sometimes I feel like half of the things I have to say aren't suitable for public viewing anyway :P
I think I will make it a goal to post a REAL update soon. I promise :)
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Comments: 1 lick - Stick out your tongue. :P.
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Monday, January 19th, 2009
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| Time: | 1:14 pm. |
| Music: | "Disturbia" by Rihanna. |
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Wow I just noticed how old my icon picture on here is. Aurora was still a BABY, and in less than a month she will be 3. I almost have a three year old. How crazy is that.
I am writing this from a hotel room in McClean, VA. My brother and I road tripped it down here for the inaugeration. We left Sunday night after I got out of work and packed and arrived around 5am. We're both so exhausted that it's 1pm and we haven't left the room yet. He's still passed out and I've been reading Nick Hornby's "How To Be Good". I actually got to Chapter 6 which is a freaking miracle because while I used to be speed reader extraordinaire, in the past few years between diapers and school and well, life, I don't get to read quite as much as I used to. Novels anyway.
I was going to post pictures but Matt's computer is a fucktard. It doesn't let you on myspace or facebook, and photobucket and flikr pretty much freeze. Sooooo I will have to photo update on Wednesday. Think we're going to head to CVS really quick and then come back and get ready and head into DC to EXPLORE and try and find some Obama shirts to wear tomorrow :)
<3 ME.
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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Saturday, November 22nd, 2008
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Friday, October 24th, 2008
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Things that would make me happy:
my own house - not living at my dad's
Sammy having a different work schedule
me working less
okay, not having to 'work' at all
more $$ - Haha
A minivan
A place for my books
Time to journal
Time to read
More time with friends
More time with Sammy
losing 10-15 lbs
Getting my milk supply back
Contacts
Not feeling frumpy
My knees fixed
Time to plan
Motivation
Going to the gym
All the chores being done
The doot
Obama winning the presidency
A working camera and laptop
My mom :(
Time to cook
Xav gaining weight
Watching pointless TV with Sammy
All the bills being paid
Hands that didn't hurt
Therapy
New makeup
Rora being potty trained
Indoor swimming
Learning things
I want my kids to...
speak multiple languages, including Spanish, French, ASL and eventually foreign sign languages...be "green" and understand why...love to read...want to help others...take initiative...be gentle...enjoy spending time with others...speak intelligently...enjoy spending time with their family, yet also recognize the need for alone time...not mind getting messy...have a sense of adventure...learn about and appreciate cultures other than their own...pick up after themselves...know the history behind holidays...know how to cook healthy food...stay vegetarians because they want to be and understand the reasons for it...dream, imagine...feel like they can do anything they set their mind to...love to be outside...not be addicted to electronics...know how holidays are celebrated in other countries...travel...be exposed to art in all it's forms...know how to fix things...be in tune with their souls...feel like they can talk to me...feel understood...know where they come from...be themselves...have friends, close friends...be thoughtful...have a desire to learn new things...resist peer pressure...make good decisions...love and respect themselves...know that I love and respect them...be responsible with their money...be affectionate...
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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Tips
Get out of bed earlier....lying around in bed makes you just *feel* lazy all day
Drink lots of water
Do exercise wherever you can. I do leg exercises while I'm brushing my teeth, or while the rest of the gang goes out for a cigarette at the bar (I don't smoke). I do ab exercises (as previously mentioned) while working and nobody is the wiser. Park farther away at the supermarket (barring inclement weather of course). I do tricep thingies in mn y car (while holding the wheel with the other hand. Don't look at me like I'm crazy, it's no different than you changing the radio station while you're driving). I just squeeze them in when I can. I just multitask....then there's no 'I have no time'.
Cut your portion size in half. You seldom are as hungry as you really think you are. Instead of a whole grilled cheese I make a half. And, SURPRISE! I'm really not famished afterward!
If you don't want PART of something, don't eat it. Eat the best part and leave it at that. I like the icing on the chocolate cake at work, and so I used to eat the chocolate cake when one day I said fuck it and just scraped the icing off. Why intake the calories from the cake when I really only want the icing!? Crazyness!
STOP EATING WHEN YOU'RE FULL OR ABOUT TO BE FULL. Why keep eating? Because there's starving kids in Africa? Now unless you're going to hop in your car, drive to UPS and ship the rest of that plate of spaghetti to Zimbabwe, pitch it. And stop forcing your kids to 'finish their dinner'. All that's teaching them is "I have to eat everything on my plate even if I feel like crap afterward." Food is supposed to energize us, not leave us feeling sluggish.
Eat what you like, learn what you can live without, and only take a few bites of what you can't. I like cheese. A lot. And Kashi crackers. You could say a good 25 percent of my food intake is raw mild cheddar paired with Kashi brushetta crackers. (Or any of their other fantabulous flavors). But I eat a few here, a few there. I can live without meat. I would have to say the only 'cheat' I do on the meat front would have to be french onion soup. It's the cheese. I'll take any excuse to eat melted cheese. lol. So every once in awhile (prob once a month) I will eat french onion soup when I'm out somewhere and pretend I don't know it's made with beef broth. hahaha. But other than that, there are plenty of meat substitutes out there. (See next paragraph) I like me some dessert. And at work, where the cafeteria is buffet style, we have an entire case of desserts. Sometimes they have this chocolate fudgey thing with a mocha mousse on top. So I get it, eat a bite of the fudge and scrape the mousse off, savor that bite very slowly, and pitch the rest of it. Now I won't spend the rest of the day wanting that damn piece of chocolate. *A quote from the book 'Succulent Wild Woman" by Sark, quote by Michelle* --"I eat cake for breakfast. I know I'm going to want it all day anyway so I just start with it"
Don't be a food snoB! I know so many people who were 'scared' more or less of healthy food before I had prepared it for them, my husband included! Once I showed that things like sprouted grains, meat substitutes, and veganaise could all taste *GASP* NORMAL they got off their high horses and really enjoyed them. I made deviled eggs for my inlaws with Organic Omega 3 eggs, and veganaise, and nobody could tell the difference. I switched the ground beef in sloppy joes (use Heinz instead of Manwich, no High Fructose Corn Syrup) for Smart Ground (fake meat) and my friend's kids had no idea. I used the Taco Burrito Smart Ground paired with some salt free taco seasoning for tacos and made one for my friend Krista one day and after her exclamation of "That was amazing" I shocked her by telling her it was not real meat. She didn't believe me at first. Then one day when she was craving a Double Cheeseburger, I made her one, out of Boca Burgers, and she said that it was even better than McDonald's (although IMO not sure how much of a compliment that is, lol). I recently learned that my favorite frozen bean, rice, and cheese burrito (260 calories, 1 gram of fat, and 7 grams of fiber!) was made with soy cheese. I had no idea. TRY new things. If you don't like it, what's the worst that can happen. You spit it out. But....you probably won't. :)
Hmm....what else...
Take your vitamins. When your body is functioning better, you will burn more fat/calories/yucky stuff.
Make sure your plate is colorful. If your food is all the same dull brownish/whitish colors, there is not enough nutrition hanging out in there.
EAT BREAKFAST. Nothing will slow your metabolism faster than not eating right away.
Stop eating full meals late at night. You're going to be sleeping and therefore not burning ANY of those calories off. So just STOP IT.
Get outside and play. Find new places to walk. Chase your kids.
Get an exercise ball. Seriously. They are freaking amazing.
Don't eat like it's your last chance to. When I go out I have a habit of doing this. I recently started telling myself: "I CAN come back here, ya know.... I know I'm not hungry enough for two appetizers, a soup, a salad, an entree, some of my husbands entree, AND dessert".
Don't drink yourself stupid....not only will you most likely feel like a dumbass the next day but think of how many calories are in all those sugary girly drinks...and even beer.
Share your food. I give bites to my daughter or split things with friends. Social, and cuts calories. lol
LABEL READ. If your food has high fructose corn syrup, hydrogenated or partially hydrogenated oils, and enriched flour, you probably don't want it. Buying organic or from a health food store will usually eliminate most of these problems.
Chew your food until it's MUSH! It will help you to digest it.
I think that's all for now. And only because I am supposed to leave for work in like 10 minutes and still have to jump in the shower. lol Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww shit.
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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So yesterday I was looking in the mirror and I decided that I'm not fat. Which may sound strange, but I (as well as a huge percentage of the population) have always seen myself that way. Well ever since high school anyway where I made the ginormous mistake of landing a smashing minimum wage job at a BAKERY. Two kids later I am down to 123.8 (3.8 pounds away from pre-Xavier and 8.8 pounds away from my goal weight) and a size 6/7 -- from being in the 170s and a size 15/16. But even as little as a week ago I still *FELT* fat. My husband would tell me I was crazy, that I was gorgeous, but really it was just not sinking in because I felt huge. Then yesterday I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and decided that for having two kids, I'm not too shabby. Yes I still have "the pouch" that comes with having kids, except for of course those incredibly blessed people that magically shrink down to their size zeros with no stretch marks before leaving the hospital. But with the help of some ab exercises (usually done at work, while dealing poker, in the privacy of my own shirt, lol) it's going down some. And could my thighs be less cellulite ridden? Absolutely. But I wore shorts the other day anyway. Because I don't care anymore. I have decided that as long as I wake up in the morning and feel good about myself, I'm okay. And If I don't, then I can do something about it. Between physical therapy (for my knee), Exercise TV on Demand, and learning to use the exercise ball, I'm having fun learning how to make myself a stronger, happier, more flexible me.
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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Wednesday, February 6th, 2008
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Wednesday, October 24th, 2007
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ohscarletbegonia (10:40:57 AM): i think that for a long time i hated my name and then i realized that your name is something you grow into...and you've just gotta own it...so...viva ibar!
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Comments: 2 licks - Stick out your tongue. :P.
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Thursday, October 11th, 2007
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My daughter makes me crazy when she won't eat what I cook!!
I need to get her to a pediatric dentist. Her stupid iron vitamins are staining her teeth brown, even though I brush them. Grrrrr.
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Comments: Stick out your tongue. :P.
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ocean_sunrise's journal
busy.